I love the Winter Olympics. As background noise to hot summer evenings, it seems almost as ridiculous as curling. But then, nothing is ridiculous as curling.
Thanks to Eddie McGuire's crush on Johnny Weir, figure skating is prevalent in Channel 9's coverage. That, and it's pretty cool. The sheer athleticism of the sequinned sveltes is amazing. But, when you're occupied with something else and only hear snippets of commentary, it's easy to get your inner teenager out and smirk at terminology such as "inverted backwards camel". Here's a list of others that I inner-Lol'd to, and hope nobody saw:
Besti Squat - not what your buddy does on a roadtrip across the country when there's no loo for 400km. It is "A spread eagle in a squatting position with the torso held upright. It is named for Natalia Bestemianova."
Broken Leg Sit Spin - because skating one one leg is trying. "A common variation of the sit spin is the broken leg sit spin. As its name implies, the skater’s free leg is bent and held to the side. This gives the leg a “broken” appearance in contrast to the straight extended free leg position achieved in ideal conventional sit spins. In the broken leg variant, the body generally leans toward the free side. This position resembles a fusion between a layback and a sit spin". Helpfully, "Broken leg sit spins are rarely performed backward". Ha! you think?
Flutz - see, iceskaters were into the whole Brangelina-style name blending before the rest of us. Despite sounding like a bad form of gas, it's actually "A portmanteau of "flip" and "Lutz", for an improperly executed lutz jump, where the outside take-off edge is mistakenly changed to an inside edge, making it a flip jump."
Ina Bauer - Jack Bauer's German mistress on 24? Or, "A two-footed move in which the skater skates with the legs parallel, with one foot on a forward edge and the other leg on a backward edge on a different but parallel edge (i.e., inside or outside)"?
Inverted Camel - Inverted. Camel. Not two words you see next to each other every day. "A more dramatic position than the layover, the inverted backward camel requires the skater to open her hips allowing her free foot to rotate such that the toe points up. Adding originality to a spin combination, a skater who has developed proficiency with the inverted back camel may adopt an interesting leg position by bending the leg rather than keeping it outstretched. The inverted camel is performed exclusively as a backward spin. "
Killian - rumoured to be favoured by the likes of Tonya Harding. in fact, merely "A dance hold used in ice dancing."
Rittberger - a rude Bavarain term for lady parts. More exciting than simply being another name for a loop jump ("An edge jump that takes off from the back outside edge"), no?
Russain Split - icecream, bananas, and nuts, generously dowsed in vodka. (A split jump in which the skater performs a straddle position with the legs and the body forming a "v" shape. Many also touch their toes. Damn).
Sheep Jump - popular n New Zealand. Oh come OOOONNNNNN! "A positional (as opposed to rotational) jump in which the skater jumps upwards and bends both legs backwards reminiscent of a sheep. The back is often arched."
Spread eagle - also handy for bribing judges. (ooh, snarky). "An element performed with both feet on the ice, the blades turned out with the heels pointing towards each other. It can be performed on inside edges or outside edges."
Twizzle - it's street, yo, for "A quick multirotational turn on one foot while moving forwards or backwards."
Sources: Wikipedia (where else); Iceskatingintl (pic); SkateJournal