Friday, July 4, 2008

Things That Piss Me Off Volume 3

What better way to end the week then with a good old-fashioned rant - cleanse the soul, get it out of your system and prepare for a nice, relaxing no particular order:

1). Katie Holmes pisses me off, well not so much her personally, but her "brand", or "image", if you will. I do feel sorry for her because she always looks so...careful. You can't really fault her style, except for the fact it doesn't look like it's hers and she always looks very choreographed. It pisses me off that I even think about these things, because really,who cares and why does it matter, but I guess if you look into it it's a mildly interesting study on the effects of fame. Dawson's Creek used to piss me off too but I can't help thinking I'd rather hang out with pre-Tom K-Ho - wouldn't you? Of course, when it is suitable PR, Katie is BFF with Posh, and anyone in their right mind would rather hang out with the Beckhams, because they quite simply rock, despite the fact they can't sing, act or play soccer (apparently). Posh is awesomeness on a stick (or more accurately, a stick of awesomeness) and Katie should perhaps ask Tom if she can please be allowed to go visit the Spice household more often, and thus alleviate the chronically miserable look she sports every time she's Papped:

(pic: JustJared)

2). Tracksuits. Are. Evil. Soaked. In. Polar. Fleece. I know they're comfy and I know they are mildly practical if you are working out or taking some light exercise, but there are an awful lot of people who stop at Coles/the bank/school activities/go shopping/go out for dinner wearing them. TOO MANY people. I shall have to ask K-Rudd to start taxing them. Especially fat people who wear them and are obviously not on their way to or from the gym. It raises the bar in my personal pissoff-ometer because it just screams "I don't care" or worse, "I think I look good because I matched my lippy to my tracksuit". If you're going to bother with makeup then please bother with a nice pair of jeans and a top. At least. It also screams "I have to do much important stuff like the washing and unload the dishwasher and make lunches that I don't have time to dress up". Without meaning to sound completely lazy/snobby, it's not that important (are you reading this Mum?). Leave the bed unmade and dress yourself up a little, just see if it makes you feel better about yourself and makes your husband/partner look at you a bit differently. I wish that going out was a bit more of a special event, like in Europe, and everyone wore hats. A baseball cap to match your tracksuit doesn't count. Nor does wearing jeans with actual running shoes - you don't run in jeans so why pair them with buggery ugly Nikes? (this has been a celeb trend of late and very disturbing, so when I finish writing letters to Trinny and Susannah there'll be more on this).

3). The Dark Knight, Heath Ledger's last film, is being released soon and "by all reports his performance is amazing". Maybe it is, but I bet your bollocks it's just the press circuit cashing in on his untimely death. If he was still alive would it be lauded? Will he be given a post-carking it Oscar just so they can really stir up some cash? It makes me mildly ill because it's such blatant exploitation. I KNOW I should be less naive but really...blergh. See the movie if you would've seen it anyway and be your own judge, please.

4). This has been lightly touched upon before, but I cannot tell you how annoying/rude/violence-inducing it is when somebody WHO IS STILL IN THEIR CAR parks over 2 parking spots and then just sits there twiddling their thumbs. Particularly when there are no other parking spots within a hundred mile radius and your car isn't a Hummer and therefore will fit nicely into a regular park. This doesn't mean that people with Hummers thus have permission to park in 2 spots, it just means that if they have a Hummer they probably also have a gun, a rug made out of a real bear and a sister-wife and thus do not respond positively to polite yet firm notes under their windscreen wipers.

5). I send and receive hundreds of emails every day. I thus have alot of practice in e-etiquette (ie not typing your whole email in caps lock, using punctuation, including the odd ! or :) to add some tone) but apparently there are may poor sods out there who find emailing as scary as your Nanna finds the answering machine. You know, she rings and hears the machine, hangs up, practices or jots down what she needs to say, and then rings back to leave a concise yet slightly bewildered message. Countless people have sent what are very blunt emails, with minimal punctuation, and upon speaking to them in person I find they are in fact very lovely and friendly. Their conversations are littered with ! and :) so why can't they include one or two in their emails? Note for customers: if you use the words "please", "thankyou" and try to make you email as friendly as possible, you will get better service (I'm not talking exclusively about FrockYou here, trust me). Rude people generate curt responses - if you type that way presumably you read that way so precious :) shall not be sent your way. Of course there is the other end of the scale where people send a thousand cyber hugs and kisses and so many smiley's they have probably breached the yellow Happy Face copyright, but at least you get the point that they are happy people who probably brush their teeth regularly and don't think they and their issue is THE most important thing on the planet. Or in cyber-space. Smiley faces make your inbox prettier!

I hope it rains this weekend because I want to go stomping in mud puddles, have a hot shower and then curl up with a hot chocolate. Now that I've vented my week's anger, I feel calm, settled and ready to give money to those people who stand on street corners with collection cans and rolls of stickers. Well, if I can find a park nearby and they're not wearing tracksuits, that is.

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