Thursday, July 24, 2008

Things That Piss me Off Vol 3

Or is it 4? I don't know. Anyway, I hope none of you who read this are psychologists or anything, else I'm in trouble. Or people who wear tracksuits or leggings (omfg: yesterday = white leggings alert. I don't mean to be legging-racist but white leggings should leave the country. fast.), else I'm in real trouble. This week's rant:

1). It's shit on a pointy stick when you rely on emails for work and also your state of mind, and then poof! it just stops working. Like, ALL DAY. This is bollocks because it means when it comes back up again (my web guys are blaming the server people who are blaming George Bush who should blame his parents) I'll have 345786970 emails to sift through, and also because I am currently corresponding with e-people via hotmail. Sooo 2000. How embarrassment.

2). Don't pick me out from across the supermarket (yes I constantly have issues with supermarkets, if I didn't rely on food to be alive I wouldn't go near the dastardly places), make a beeline for the checkout line I'm standing in and then stand really close behind me and breathe on me and my food. OH MY GOD. It's foul and makes me thankful for handbag size bottles of Dettol waterless hand wash. Supermarkets are giant evil corporations who enjoy chopping down trees and bulldozing playgrounds to make their shops as big and unflatteringly-lit as possible - please stand a few, you know, centimetres away at least. Nobody will push in, and Australia is pretty sparsely populated. It's not likely Indonesia will invade your local Coles anytime soon so until personal space is at a premium, learn to embrace it. And also deodorant.

3). If you are a bogan and proud of it, please print it on a baggy tshirt to wear under your flanellette instead of shouting it at the top of your lungs. Your family or friends or whoever you are with can hear you when you are standing with them, people across the road cannot and do not want to. The whole city does not want to come to a standstill and listen to you and your Centrelink Q-troop talk about getting into your car which you haven't paid any parking for. Just get into it and go back to the government funded abyss from whence you came. Also, if your lady friends try purchasing shampoo and conditioner instead of mousse and hairspray next time they are stealing from Priceline, you'll notice a remarkable, more cleanly change in their appearance. God, I am such a snob. Thankfully.

4). At the other end of the scale, and I have already touched upon this subject: having a 4wd doesn't mean that traffic stops for you, that you do not have to indicate, and that you can pull out into the street without looking. Regardless of how many private school stickers you have on your back window, we're all still smirking.

5). Last but not least - is anyone else not looking forward to the Olympics? Aside from the fact that all sportspeople are as boring as batshit (poor batshit, it gets a hard run) and I don't want to watch 2 weeks of muscly morons running around a track or swimming up and down a pool and then getting out and claiming that they are happy to be there, that it was the crowd that did it, sport was the winner on the day etc etc, China has a lot to answer for. Culturally and historically it is a magnificent place, I wuld absolutely love to visit. Politically? Fuck. and I'm sorry about my French, but fucking hell. The press is heavily monitored (and government-controlled, so much so that at one point they had to claim Osama bin Laden was not real), the government tries to block as much of the Internet as possible (aside from their own sanctioned sites), a significant portion of the people live in abject poverty, it's polluted beyond all hell and Tibet???? Is anyone going to stand up at these Games and say something? If sportspeople are the "gods" they are made out to be, will they make a stand like a few brave souls in previous Games did? I hope so. I also think they won't, because their country's governments don't want to piss off China, and it's bad PR to be a sportsperson and have a personality. Or a brain. Imagine the difference that could be made. I hope Bono's going.

More on China in upcoming posts. It's not very patriotic I guess to not give much of a stuff about supporting our athletes, but it just seems like there is so much more important stuff going on. And anyway, in true Aussie spirit, unless they win and break world records, we won't really care anyway.

OOH, CYNICAL. Sorry. That feels better. Incidentally, did you see how China have made people with even-numbered numberplates drive one day, and odd the next? On your day "off" you have to use public transport - and for the first time in years they're seeing blue skies and unblocked highways. HOW SIMPLE, why don't all countries try it?! (Oh except here of course, because it's quicker to walk on your hands to your destination then use the bus system).

1 comment:

  1. Hahah ooh I'm completely not looking forward to the Olympics either, for pretty much all the reasons you listed. However, I have to teach a unit on it while I'm on internship, so I have to pretend to be keen *smiles weakly*