-You physically start when you realise, listening to JJJ presenters discussing the newest uber-indie floppy haircutted group, the words "pfft, what's this rubbish? I've never heard of them," have involuntarily tumbled from your lips. A small jolt of realisation shocks you into a few seconds of silence, before the thought, "all sounds the bloody same anyway" wafts menacingly through your brain.
-You scoff at new technology and can't possibly imagine why society would need or want to have this pointless bit of microchip in their lives. (In this instance, it was ACA's story on 'Supertrolleys'. Basically, while throwing ads in your face every few seconds, they direct you around the supermarket. Need to know where the cornflour is? Punch it in and it will tell you. Seriously, how fucking lazy have we become? These high-tech trolleys - there's part of a sentence that never needed to exist - "can also track where you're headed and tempt you into buying, for example, a bottle of Coke on your way to pick up the toilet paper. And if you succumbed to a bag of corn chips last time you visited the supermarket, your trolley could try its luck for a second time". So, in other words, supermarkets just really really really want you to spend more then you meant to - making store layouts as psychologically appealing to add-on sales as possible is sooo last decade. FFS.)
-The fact that you are watching ACA, is sign enough to get off the comfy couch and work on your Myspace profile while listening to afore-mentioned floppy haircut band and simultaneously texting votes into So You Think You Can Dance. Do not leave Channel 9 on, in case Hey Hey It's Saturday threatens to penetrate your coolness/sanity.
-You go shopping and can't decide if flimsy bit of material is a top or a dress. Assuming it must be a top as nobody could possibly get away with such little coverage, you are mortified when you turn around and perky shop assistant is wearing said material. On it's own. As a dress.
-You can't quite work out what The Hills is meant to be about.
-You invite your old partying buddy around for, er, a cup of tea. As opposed to a few bottles of wine.
-Saturday nights with a dvd or book, sensibly warm pyjamas and yet another cup of tea are infinitely more appealing than navigating the sticky crowds at the pub.
-You discover an awful lot of docos on the ABC that are really very interesting. Series like Britain From Above, which, ok, is a BBC series but nobody does monotonal statistics quite like the Brits. And this show is pretty darn awesome. Tuesdays, 8:30pm.
(Fact: Britain's powergrid comes very close to catastrophic failure every night at 7pm - Eastenders finishes, and 1.75 million Poms flick their kettles on simultaneously. Told you cups of tea were cool - if Londoners are doing it, we should be too.)