Old School Discipline (or, How To Raise Well-Mannered Children)

Bet you thought this post would involve whips and such, didn't you? Sorry to disappoint, but I'm actually referring to a chapter in the book I just finished perusing, by the Allisons Vale & Rattle, How To Boil A Flamingo And 49 Other Lessons in the Lost Art of Being A Lady.

(In case you're wondering, should a flamingo be not available, a few tropical parrots will suffice to seriously impress your next dinner party guests). Short chapters, adapted from household and etiquette guides from the 17th & 18th centuries, brim with tongue-in-cheek instruction and practical advice on everything from How to Picnic, Sit for a Portrait, Choose A Wet-Nurse (never a redhead), How To Employ Your Fan, and How To Manage Your Servants with Mistrust and Misgiving. In short, it is a neccessary compendium and companion for any lady who wishes to make her way successfully amongst society.

Though highly amusing, some of the advice was not as outdated and ridiculously extravagant as perhaps it might first appear. The chapter on "How To Raise Well-Mannered Children" could do with liberal distribution in the 21st century. (As could the possible addition of a chapter, "How to spellcheck your Facebook status updates, especially if you are a teacher and cannot grasp even the most basic spelling and grammar." You aggravate my sensibilities in the most extreme manner, people!) Would it be so bad if rules such as the following were "instilled in children from a young age"?

-Take what you are served [at mealtimes] whether it be to your taste or not. Eccentricity in regard to nourishment should be avoided at all times. How many teatime tantys would be avoided if this rule was strictly enforced!

-Do not present yourself at the table unless your hands and face are clean and hair neatly combed. Well, the hair thing isn't gonna happen, but the basic "clean your hands" before eating rule is a good habit to get into.

-When invited into the company of your betters, do not sit or speak until bidden. Perhaps they could sit without incurring the wrath of society, but learning not to interrupt other conversations and only to speak in turn is an important basic etiquette that alot of adults could do well to remember, as well.

-Use your napkin habitually. Not your sleeve, which becomes a vertiable petri dish of snot, vegemite and dirt on any avergage day.

The chapter advises that, "a mismanaged child is but a regrettable stain upon the fabric of polite company and may be expected to achieve naught in life but the breaking of his poor mother's heart." Uncombed hair at the dinner table might not be a precursor to a life of insubordinate idleness, but would a few old-fashioned manners go astray in the modern world? I think not, and I would also like to suggest compulsory spelling examinations right up to and including tertiary education (longer if you will be spending your working hours in the schooling system). Hmph.

Why, Thankyou!

Here's a lovely little website (via Mamamia): Thx Thx Thx is a thankyou note a day, a positive expression of gratitude to everything from colds to London to printers. Think about it - if we can be bothered we might text someone a "thanks for a gr8 party!". How often, aside from formal occassions such as weddings, do we really ever stop and acknowledge the nouns that make us happy?

"Leah Dieterich's mother always told her to write thank you notes. So she does." And thus, Thx Thx Thx should be a quick daily visit to quietly remind you to find something to be thankful for. Think oprah-style affirmations, without so much Oprah in it.

Modern Manners: A Rant

Cat W is best like butter, on a roll.....

I have, fairly recently, been spending some time lamenting the general lack of manners and courtesy that people appear to be exhibiting these days. I don’t know what it is, but I know that its not just kids – older people are just as guilty. I work in customer service, and one of the biggest things I have noticed about this industry is that people can be big old bastards. I’m not old, I’m 25 in fact, and I consider that I was brought up well enough by my parents to know what constitutes good manners. Subsequently I shall have a mini rant so bear with me, you may even sympathise!

I try to treat people the way I like to be treated. No matter if I don’t really like them, or care what they think about me, but I know how good I feel when people use their pleases, thank you’s and don’t treat me like general shite. I have this thing going on whereby if I don’t get a please, thank you, some kind of eye contact or even a smile, then I will often give back what I get and be quite cool towards my subject. Polite, but cool. I don’t know what impression this gives, but when you work with people everyday, it makes you very aware of what makes good service. Manners and a friendly demeanor are paramount.

I don’t think I’m asking for the world. For me, as a paying customer, you don’t need to engage me in conversation (in fact, please don’t) unless, for example, you’re a travel agent or someone I’m buying a book off (in which case I like to have a good old convo, preferably about the book). If I’m polite and friendly towards you, I simply expect the same in return.

One thing that quite annoys me is parents who don’t teach their kids to say please or thank you, or if they do, often it’s not enforced. Subsequently, we have a lot of spoilt little shits running around, who think it’s above them to show courtesy to others. Not all parents are like this, and not all kids obviously, but it’s too common a thing not to warrant comment! Young people, those in their teens and mid twenties often show a similar discourtesy. And old people. My god. They can push and shove with the best of them, and it ain’t pretty. You are not better than me because you’ve lived through 10 world wars and deserve to be treated like a legend, if you show some courtesy and don’t forget to say please or thank you, then maybe you’ll get said treatment. And for god’s sake don’t use your deafness as an excuse. Now I know people get old and grumpy and sick, and I respect that, but it’s an entirely different subject and not one I shall indulge in right now. Or maybe ever…

I don’t dislike the industry I work in, just in case you may have been getting that impression, but I do get a little irritated when people think it’s above them to use manners and/or show discourtesy. Whatever industry or life situation you find yourself in, just remember that rudeness, stuck up-ness and ill-manners are not at all becoming or endearing. So next time your out and dealing with the public, put away that dough face and remember your manners – it may make a difference, even just a slight one.

Things that Piss Me Off: Volume 2

You know how the teeny things in life can grate your nerves until you have no choice but to let it out by furiously typing away your anger (because violence is for bogans and if you try to tell one of your intelligent friends about it they'll be annoyingly logical)? Well these have been shitting me for a week (pics from JustJared):

Exhibit 1: Mischa Barton's fugly beyond belief and probably hideously expensive fringed/tassled boot-things (other boots or footwear in general may be offended at being associated as being in the same family group with these monstrosities). Oh, where to begin? They sort of remind me of a wooly mammoth. Out West. Who's just been to a craft fair and stitched a design Aunt Ethel created onto it's skirt, and couldn't find a pair of matching tights so just threw on the closest pair it could find. And then was chased out of town by pitchfork-bearing folk who couldn't stand that crime and turned it into a pair of shoes so hideous it must live out the rest of eternity being worn by a former a-list celeb who should never had fired her stylist, and being mocked by bloggers throughout the universe for the rest of eternity. Oh, Mischa. When you were Marisa you were bearable, as long as you didn't open your mouth. BUT YOU HAVE WORN THESE AGAIN and I'm sorry but it's the last straw:

See how the mammoth-spirit is trying to escape onto the streets of New York? Trying desperately to wrench itself free of your legs and go live peacefully in the Swiss Alps? LET IT GO. I'm glad you're "getting your money's worth" by wearing these 'boots' a number of times instead of wasting your $$ on an eco-unfriendly one-wear-only pair, but sheesh. SET IT FREE.

2). Yes, it's been a quiet week if Mischa's boots are the main thing getting my goat. The other biggie this week has been Manners. The amount of people these days (and I'm not just targeting youth Today Tonight-style) who find it difficult to utter a please or thankyou, or to stand patiently in line and wait their turn, or to park their vehicles respectfully, or to punctuate their friggin emails and not type in CAPS LOCK ('COS LOOK HOW RUDE THIS SEEMS AM I YELLING AT YOU YES I AM), or to treat their paying customers with a touch of courtesy, is astounding. Do you know how stupid it is when you take up two parking spots in the carpark with your gas-guzzling 4WD that has ben as far into the wilderness as the suburbs, when you have your company name and phone number splashed across the side? Yes I will remember your business name, and no I will not use your services. Instead, whenever anybody asks me for a recc in your line of trade, I will quickly tell them about your lack of parking ability, and warn them to consider carefully the wisdom of handing you money or giving you authority to build/repair/create something when the simple task of manoeuvering your vehicle between two straight, bold white lines appears too cumbersome. And don't tell me you didn't notice, when you clambered down from your lofty Jeep heights did you not wonder why the cars either side of you are so far away? IT'S NOT BECAUSE YOU PICKED A BIG PARKING SPOT, TWATTYBOLLOCKS.

I will name and shame becuase some people deserve it. The puckered old bags who work in the local Sussan have as much personality as a hairbrush and as many customer service skills as a kiwi fruit. It does not look good on your store or business when a customer leaves the store, and you all bitch loudly to each otehr about her, in full view and hearing capacity of all the other customers STILL waiting in line. It doesn't matter if she was a cow, or annoying or difficult, basic common sense would tell you to save it for the lunchroom. At least by lowering your standards, we've come to not expect much when shopping in your store. Except for being stared at becuase I look like a well-dressed shoplifter. Or perhaps my toddler is going to stuff some trousers in her nappy and wander out. Or perhaps it is truly annoying when I or anyone I am shopping with decide to try things on, and dare to ask for a different size. Yes we can hear you huff and puff, and I do apologise for putting you out, but I believe your job is "sales assistant" which means in order to get sales, you need to assist your customers. Not stand behind the counter and gossip, not badmouth other customers or staff, not pretend like your stock or that clipboard is more important than a customer, and not take your sweet time serving people. We have places to be, you work here and therefore, you don't. I do a spot of mystery shopping occassionally for a bit of fun and petrol money, and Sussan be warned: I gleefully took an assignment to do your store very, very soon, and it won't be pretty. Ha!

There'll be more on the please and thankyou aspect tomorrow, from someone who works in a bank and therefore bears the brunt of the stupidest, craziest and downright rudest members of society. Stay tuned.

3). I must revert back to fashion for an instant; it has become apparent that the leggings-craze is wearing off, but instead is, dare I say it, being replaced with something much, much worse: Stockings-as-leggings-as-pants. Leggings show all your bumps and lumps and are flattering only when worn as they are meant to be - layered. But stockings are a form of underwear - yes, when you wear them as pants and prance about in an "oversize" shirt from Supre which barely covers your bum crack, the general public can see everything. And we don't wish to. Please wear pants. I feel like I should be on tv: "For just one dollar a day, you too can sponsor a tarty suburban teen to receive the education and funding neccessary to help her realise that common decency requires the covering of private parts. In cities around the country, more and more young girls are unneccessarily revealing more crotch and crack then the public needs to see. Please, give generously and help this worthy cause".

4). We live in a fairly new suburb, the type where everybody has matching Hotondo Homes, a boat, 4wd, and landscaped garden. Many of our neighbours regularly spend their Sundays washing their cars, watering the lawn and mowing the grass. Pardon me, but I thought there was a water shortage? Or does it not apply in every suburb? Your car was claen last week when you washed it, turn your freakin hose off and STOP. Go out and do something else. Take up crocheting or take the kids to a shopping centre to play hide and seek. You'll be amused for hours. The grass looks nice already, how come no-one else's is that green? Is it on some sort of Incredible Hulk steroids? You do not need to religiously mow it in one direction one week, and the other the next so those perfect diagonal lines are always on show. It's a LAWN, you only need to keep it neat, not give it manicures. Are you using recycled water from your shower? No, you like to show off the expensive watering system that's just one bit better than next door's. It pisses me off, becuase a) why haven't people got something better to do, b) it's arrogant to assume that becuase water still comes out of the tap you can use it excessively and c) get a gardener. We have*.

5). Stocktake sales suck when you can't find anything decent, and that pair of jeans you bought last week are now $40 off. 'Nuff said.

*Disclaimer: this is a very nice suburb and aside form the cranky people across the road and the ones who park their van across from our driveway becuase their 10-car garage apparently isn't big enough, our neighbours on the whole are very nice people who don't burn their bathroom doors for firewood or breed with the entire street. I appreciate that.