Rant: "Overnight" Does Not Mean "4 days Later"

It might be the heat or it might be the sheer incompetence of others, but bloody hell I nearly politely voiced my unfavourable thought train this afternoon in the post office. For two reasons.

1). I was home all morning, went to go out at lunchtime and there was one of those annoying red "attempted delivery" cards from Aus Post in the letterbox. I'll reiterate: I. Was. Home. All. Morning. I was in the shower at the other end of the house for about 15 mins early on, but the chances of them coming to deliver then are pretty slim. So, whilst annoying, one must take a deep, calm breath and prepare to face the tracksuited legions that inhabit the local shopping centre whence the nearest PO is located.

2). The smartarse delivery guy ticked "pick up after 4:30pm" on the card. I know full well they all knock off by 3pm (man on the inside, you see) so there is no way I was waiting til late afternoon to head back down again to collect it. Indeed, when we rocked up after a nice cold iced chocolate at about 2pm, outside the PO door with a box of carded parcels was a delivery man. Maybe not our delivery man, but a delivery man. Bewdy! I thought, the heat allowing such an improper colloquialism to creep into my inner speech bubble. All parcels must be in.

The old biddy behind the desk had other ideas. I handed her my form, and she disappeared 'out the back' for all of, oh, 3 seconds, before coming out and saying 'no it's not here, it says after 4:30pm." I screwed up my face in a most unbecoming manner and said, truthfully, "oh, but there is a man out there with all the parcels, I can hear them being scanned in." Apparently the thought of the walk of 2 metres to the storage area behind the service desk was particularly fatiguing to this perm-headed baby boomer, as she sighed impatiently and said, "yes, I looked there," before firmly handing my form back and shooing me on my way.

Outside, I phoned my man on the inside, who informed me who exactly it was who had carded this parcel AND the fact that this person had finished his shift an hour ago. Thus, my parcel must be at the post office. Steam came out of my ears and it wasn't from the heat.

Luckily there was no line when I got back into the PO or I may have had to lure some pensioners out with promises of back issues of Take 5 magazine. A different, more pleasant lady served us this time, and I held my tongue to see what would happen. I hadned over my slip, she disappeared out the back for, oh, about 3 seconds, and returned clutching my parcel. I signed, bade her a polite au revoir, and left.

IT WAS FUCKING THERE THE WHOLE TIME AND NEARLY COST ME TWO SWELTERING CAR TRIPS TO A SHITTY CAR PARK!

2). The actual parcel should've been here on Monday. The website I purchased the item from advertised "overnight delivery to most areas", but did not specify the exact service they used. As we are within Aus Post's Express network I assumed 'most areas' would cover us. After an email to the store (promptly but curtly replied to) yesterday, I was advised to 'wait a few more days'. Um? "Overnight delivery"?? Anyway the parcel turned up by regular (as oppsed to Express) post - not a whiff of Overnight about it. I would put it out there that the only place it would get to overnight would be Sydney and surrounds, where it originated from. Misleading information much? Not the first time it's happened either - a different website once charged me $8 'express' postage, but when I received it, they'd merely stuck two 55c stamps on the parcel- ie spent a whole $1.10 and pocketed a tidy $6.90. I emailed a couple of times with no reply then gave up and promptly spread the word - the site has since closed down but the shopfront may still be operating (boo! hiss!).

Not exactly world-changing, Neighbours-worthy drama but it's the small, simple aspects of customer service that really stand out - whether it's a tiny but unexpected nice touch, or a small but misleading (and ultimately frustrating) detail. Coupled with stinking hot summer weather does not a happy customer maketh!

Free Shipping, Oh Yeah!

Man there are some awesome sales about at the moment. Even if, like myself, you are wholly and totally and completely and utterly banned from buying another thing because your wardrobe is literally overflowing and all new purchases are turning into a small mountain on the bedroom floor. Ebay, is that you I hear calling?

However, in case you have room for one more purchase, we're offering free shipping within Aus til Jan 31st. All orders, big or small, nada postage!

Shipping is definitely a gripe with online consumers - thankfully, the majority have no hassles with our teeny $6 fee and overnight service. Free shipping all the time is something we are considering if this little promotion turns out to be worth it (we're monitoring the amount of abandoned carts. It sounds so dramatic, "abandoned". More like, "I was pondering some gorgeous new shoes and realised dinner was burning"). I've left my fair share of abandoned carts strewn across cyberspace, especially at kid's online stores, mpst of whom are currently offering fab discounts but then charging $8 or $10 shipping, sometimes not even for overnight! Be buggered if I'm going to pay a premium price and then wait 4 or 5 days for it to show (regular post to tassie is slooooow). 

Well, there's my little rant for the day. Oh, and also to the silly old sod today who parked their car on a diagonal and made it near impossible for me to squeeze into mine: I'M NOT SORRY I SCRATCHED YOUR FUGLY VEHICLE WITH MY DOOR. Ha.

 Free Post - get into it. It rocks!

Clothing Sizing Issues Part II: Comparing the High Street

It seems Choice's recent article on the inconsistencies in sizing within the Australian fashion industry struck a chord with many of you. The more people that speak up, the more chance there is of something being done about it! Kelly at Nevershoppedout has just posted her thoughts on the issue, noting that Kate Browne's experimental shopping trip is simply a normal experience for many of us. From chain stores to designers, those in control have been avoiding the issue, it seems, for far too long.....

Today I received a package from Sportsgirl. As you probably know, I shop far too much online but as I fit into the 'average' body shape designers tailor to, I have not really had any issues with sizing. This article made me stop for a second as I ripped the tags off my new peach top (yes, peach. Just like my mum's bridesmaid dresses 25 years ago. But for some reason, it's cool again. Promise.) - nowhere in any of my ventures around the Sportsgirl site do I recall seeing a sizing chart. But, thankfully they do have one - you have to go into "shop" and then it's a little link along the bottom - and it is quite thorough. Success!

So I navigated over to Witchery, another regular on my click-list. Again, a decent sizing chart is available along the bottom. Just Jeans offers a 'Denim Fit Guide' which doesn't offer measurements, just a few words in a teen-friendly font on what each cut entails. Once you're in the shop part of their site, you can access a sizing chart for fashion items and all their denim except, not suprisingly, their own Just Jeans brand. Denim brands are notorious for guarding their measurements, which are usually the result of months of research, fitting and testing.

I just got scared witless when the Supre website opened in another window. It seems pounding your eardrums instore doesn't satiate their desire to penetrate every one of your pores with repetitive candy pop. The front page is an ocular atrocity of leggings-as-pants, but thankfully each product has a size chart...even if 3XS looks like some absurd mathematical formula. I couldn't find a size chart for ValleyGirl, but shipping is the same price as the average worth of their items ($10) so I'm not totally sure it's worth bothering with their online shop. (ooh, snarky!) French Connection have an easily accessible size chart, as do Bardot, Barkins and Sass & Bide (standard fashion items only).

The crucial question is not if they are readily available, but how do they compare? Check out this nifty chart I made up comparing size 12's (I'll fix that and make it bigger):



Basically, you can see a 9cm variation in hips, 6cm around the bust and a whopping 14cm at the waist! You'd expect Supre, for example, to be smaller than Barkins, given their target markets. But according to these size charts, and assuming it's reasonable for the same customer to shop at French Connection and Witchery, you wouldn't expect to encounter a 6cm minimum difference in waist measurements. No wonder women everywhere are throwing their arms up in despair and going home empty-handed. Sure, we're meant to be cutting back on our spending, but that should be a feel-good choice rather than a forced neccessity! Will anything be done about it? Watch this space...

CHOICE: Clothing Size Irregularities

A little while back, Kate Browne from CHOICE asked me to answer a few questions regarding clothing sizes in Australia. You can check out my little paragraph and the entire article here, but for a quick summation watch the 3 minute clip as she goes in search of an LBD, with sizing in high-street stores placing here anywhere from an 10 or M to a 14.

I have been the same size since I was about 14 and decided to stop growing (oh womanly curves, ye do desert me!), so I am going to admit first up that personally it doesn't affect me hugely. I can pretty safely be an 8 or 10 or XS or S in every label. However, once you get past a 10, or indeed if you are smaller than an 8, the road to the perfect fit is fraught with difficulties. The whole sizing issue does affect me once I'm dressed for the day and start work - we get loads of emails daily regarding sizing, and spend a decent amount of time trying stuff on, measuring and generally getting the fit across a range of body shapes. If trying on clothes in store is hard, how in the hell are you meant to be able to buy them online?!

Well, it's not easy. Frustratingly, most labels either don't have or won't give out measurement charts (as another online retailer also notes in the CHOICE article). This is in part to deny their competition easy access to their sizing, which is fair enough, but for every customer email querying sizing, there are a number of Frockers tearing their hair out at the lack of information we have. (Not to say don't email us, please do!).

Standardised sizing won't work. Labels won't go for it as it would compromise design, and it would be an immensely difficult task. My vote goes for making it if not mandatory then at least expected that labels would make their size charts easily accessible instores and online. Come on guys, if one label does it, everyone else will have to, to keep up...even rough measurements work, to a degree.

So, when you're buying online, use any size charts that are available. We put them up when we have them, and we will of course measure things for you - but even these will be approximate, ye olde measuring tape is not foolproof! Another good method, if available to you, is to tory on things from different brands when you are out shopping, and then when you are seeking them out online (for a better price of course!) you'll know whether to go for an 8 or 12 or M or whatever. We keep a record of customer feedback to pass on to other customers - so if you have any, please tell us, and do your little bit of good for women worldwide*. I was as surprised as anyone to find that French Kitty has a pretty generous fit, pleased to see One Teaspoon scale their sizing down a bit to be more standardised, and glad that Blue Juice tops and jackets are consistent even if their pants are a bit big. So, speak up, ask away, we're here to help as best we can!

*Yes, there are more worthy causes on the planet at the moment. Issues of clothing size are not as pressing as say, climate change, but heck it's one facet of everyday life that could be made easier. Fingers crossed

Beware the Lancome Ladies

I'm still shaking from the attack. Such determination, resourcefulness and blatant force I have never encountered. Those Lancome ladies are really out to get you. Or your money.

The local Myer store is pretty shoddy when it comes to beauty counters. Short of helping yourself to products and attempting to walk out the door, none of the tight-skinned ladies will even look at you. Many a time I have been intent on making a purchase but have left empty handed and bought online or waited til the next Melbourne trip because apparently sorting tissues is a more worthwhile exercise then helping customers. But there is one exception, and that is the Lancome counter, perched in all it's overzealous glory right near the escalators which makes it hard to sneak past unnoticed. Especially if you're atttempting a free spritz of perfume without the sales pitch.

I know they work on comission and in all frankness it must be pretty shite, but the other day made me determined to use the fire stairs and completely avoid that portion of the shop. Most beauty counters in bigger city department stores are more than happy to let you play with colours and generally waste their time, which is a lovely way to spend a Saturday morning. But don't even think about heading to this particular counter if you have a specific product in mind (in this case, my mother was after a restock on her foundation). We knew the exact shade, type and price and simply wanted a "shade no 3 please" and let's make like sheep and get the flock outta there. But nooo, oh lordy nooo...

"would you like a brush for that?"
"no thankyou I already have one"
"oh but not one like this, see how..."
"it's ok, I just bought a new one the other day" (lie)
"what about your mascara? I think this one would be..."
"thankyou, but I have one already which works really well" ( truth, I got it free from Sportsgirl and fobbed it off to her but apparently their makeup is stellar. One of my friends loves it)
"well you probbly don't need blush as your cheeks are a little flushed" (also truth, but not the best way to make a sale). Have you tried our bronzer?" (gets out sample and scary looking brush bigger than our mop)
"no thankyou, I don't really know how to apply it. Look, I have to get to work-"
"here let me-"
"please can I just buy this foundation, I really have to go"
*Charlotte transfixed by woman's uber pink lipstick*
Reluctantly, the single sale is processed. We turn to leave.
"let me just give you a quick sample of the bronzer-"
"no, really"
"here" (leans over and starts dusting face)
we back away; "no thankyou!! BYE"

woman comes out from behind counter and continues her attempt at bronzing. We start to walk, she follows, practically shrieking the benefits of this mircale brown powder and waving the brush. She actually succeeded in a few swipes before we managed to escape out the front, and hide behind a pack of bogan children. She stands in front of her counter, sniffing the air to see which way we went, before her heavily made up eyes spot another victim...**

**mild exagerration. mild.

Must've been a slow day.

30% Off Birthday Sale!

To me, a good party means:

-A fabulous new frock, which obviously isn't something we are short of here at FYHQ;

-Good company (tick)
-Multiple bottles of vino

-Songs that you usually cringe at but are more than happy to sing joyously after dowing aforementioned beverages

-A designated driver who is hopefully not you or any of your close buddies. This is where husbands occassionally come in handy now that we're too old to call on someone's Mum in the wee hours (ahem).

But, when you have just turned 2 a la Frock, bubble blowing, fairy bread, cupcakes and a whopping great big sale are the order of the day. Why you guys get the present I'm not sure (kidding, it's to thank you for your loyal support and custom. Seriously, you rock!), but dang, it's a good one - 30% off storewide until Friday! Wooty sticks of joy!

The code is BIRTHDAY and while I would highly recommend you snap up everything quicksticks, ladies these are (some of, tbh) my standout essential picks to get you through the season:

SUNDAY A&J Urusla Leather Biker Boot, $219.95 sale price $153.96 - a flat pair of black boots with timelessly cool buckle detail will see you through many, many winters to come.

Mimosa Baby Wool Funnel $59.95 sale price $41.96 - so soft and luxe (and a bargain price!) the neckline is more flattering than a normal skivvy and it looks just as good on it's own with tailored pants as layered with a vest or knit.

Blue Juice Cool Rider Zip Dress $109.95 sale price $76.96 - this is so cool with it's zipper detailing, a modern piece for the office (seriously if I see another professional person in a skivvy, polyester ill-fitting pants/court shoes combo I'm going to throw a stick at them) or make it work for the weekend with ankle boots and funky tights!


GRAB Harem Pants $39.95 sale price $27.96 (bargain!!!) - ok I have to admit harem pants aren't my thing personally as I am a shortarse and they don't suit me at all, but I have tried these on and OMG they are the comfiest pants ever. So comfy, they even make me say OMG. Definitely a key look for this year (most labels are also doing them for S/S so invest now), these ones look great with a little tee, or worn with tough heels and a flowing top.

Piper Lane Bobcat Trench $179.95 sale price $125.96 - a classic cut, this looks incredibly chic on and goes with absolutely everything, possibly even with tracky daks. Great for those who like a coat that doesn't swamp them, add a little brooch or a cool scarf to make the look your own!

One Teaspoon Cavalry Knit Dress $109.95 sale price $76.96 - worn casual, for the office or dressed up; a classic plain knit dress will never go out of style. Grab a cute waist belt and relax knowing you've got an outfit you can chuck on on those blergh days and still look amazing!

Little Potty Red Shoes Boardwalk Dress $169 sale price $118.30 - this is truly beautiful, with a black lace front panel and black lacy straps forming a deep-v back (so even though there are straps, it is essentially backless. But there is no coherent way to write that.). Elegant, sexy, go for a smoky eye and prepare to turn heads (and not in an Exorcist kinda way).

With that, I wish you luck battling the cyber crowds at our mega awesome sale!

Adventures in Trackpants and Sensible Clothing

Shopping bans are the flavour of the season. For some reason, the clever folk out there thought it would be amusing to torture us with new season goodies while at the same time telling us that restraint is the word du jour. I wondered if I could do it for a week, but quickly gave up on the idea, mainly because my partner just looked a bit wistful when I told him, like I'd mentioned a golden age sans-shoe cupboard I had once let him glimpse into but that would never come to fruition. The idea is, you buy nothing except food and pay bills, and find a newfound calm and possible inner glow in the reversal of your spending habits.

Bollocks to that. Sorry, not going to set myself up for abject failure. The rush from shopping might be shortlived but the glow you get from wearing your gorgeous new boots takes at least half a season to fade. Anyway, the point is, I sort of did succeed this week, without even trying. Sort of. See, we had nice family shopping trip on Saturday morning, in order to purchase (wait for it) sensible *shudder* clothes to take on our upcoming trip to New Zealand. Now, if you're not a sporty lesbian-ish type with a penchant for unflattering pants, the choice in travel wear is fairly limited. (Note: nothing wrong with lesbians, I just mean the minimally feminine). So, while I did not purchase anything sparkly all week (success!) I did end up purchasing quite alot. But it's rare that the Mr of the house is willing to go clothes shopping and even rarer that he spends more time in the changeroom/browsing the racks than I do, so I had to seize the opportunity and just make occcassional detours to Sportsgirl to refresh and hope that they had lots of nice warm and chic knitted beanies so I could avoid a flat polar fleece headwear option (they do, and I did. Phew.). Sensible travelwear surely counts as a must-have, right?

A few merino tshirts for me, a very expensive jacket for Mr and a cute set of matching gloves and scarf for Charlotte later, I was too afraid to check the bank balance. Then it dawned on me that we had just bought techy New Zealand-made items that are all the rage and apparently worth the price tag...to take right back to NZ. I'll spew if they have some sort of Southern Alps merino factory tour where you can buy half price items. The fabrics are all very nice and stuff, it's just they insist on making mostly butt ugly colours in yukky cuts. For non-sporty types like me, it doesn't work. How hard could it be to create something mildy flattering/fashionable out of these magical materials? (I'm sure the magical capes in Lord of the Rings were just some sort of Gortex. Sooo going to ask Frodo when I see him over there. Yeah.). Basic tees, yeah you can get away with. But pants? Talk about big arse factor (and not becuase I just have a big arse, seriously it was the pants). Coupled with a baggy fit and some sensibly chunky walking shoes, I know in my heart of hearts I would be warm, snug and dry, but the vainer outer layer could not cope with the feeling of looking and feeling le frump. So I put it to you, Kathmandu: for one, stop making your shit in China; and another, make something nice out of them! Men can get away with the sporty/outdoorsy/cargo sorta look. Some women can; most can't. Can it really be that hard?

Wait, it gets better. I also braved the techno dancefloor that is Supre again (sans child, she cried when I pointed it out so her and Daddy went ahead to order babycinos and wait), wrangled my way through the overstuffed rails to the Sporte section (seriously it's called that) to buy trackpants *hands rush to mouth in shock*. Stretchy ones with an overlapped waistband, as I felt this was the better option over simply showing up to my new stretch class in leggings and a crop top (eew). Though, some girls showed up to work at Supre in this outfit, so possibly nobody would notice. Or care, obviously. What's the hotline for the Fashion Police?

Shopping is for Life, not just for Christmas

I'm not a big believer in New Year's Resolutions. If you make one, you invariably keep it for a week and then give up, which leads to disappointment and packets of Tim Tams. it's a bit of the olde "If at first you don't succeed, erase all evidence that you ever tried". I don't diet, I always intend to exercise but refuse to kid myself that it will actually happen, despite expensive sneakers, and after every wardrobe cleanout I intend to replace my old crap with new crap I will wear more often. This also doesn't happen but arguably that is the joy of fashion. Shopping, though, is possibly my biggest vice (in case you couldn't tell). If Becky Bloomwood was real and I could stop imagining her looking scarily similar to Isla Fisher, we'd be pretty good buddies. We think along the same lines. Revealing that, it may come as a shock to you to know that this month, I didn't shop fo a total of 9 days. Yes, you read that correctly. And this is in the midst of post-Christmas sale madness, online bargains galore and heaps of ebay listings of ungrateful wenches who doon't like their designer chrissy presents. Even when Charlotte was born it only took a week to get back to the shops. The hiatus was possibly because I'm not such a fan of summer clothes and can't find any frocks I like this season, and also can't justify yet more grey/white/black/pink tees and tanks, but it's effect was quite pleasing. (It also doesn't include things like groceries by the way). I didn't bore myself with the maths but have been putting more money in our holiday fund, which in the long run means I can shop in a different country with more to spend. Perfect.

I caved when hunting for accessories for our A/W '09 catalogue shoot last week (shot over the weekend and released at the end of the month, more snippets on this later) and couldn't go past sparkly things in Diva for $5. Then I jumped right back on board, finding Little Leona dresses for Charlotte at 40% off, a few bits'n'bobs on ebay, some cute tees from a new site I adore, hardtofind (need to spend more time browsing here, so much cute stuff!), and most importantly, my favourite purchase: Frederick the elephant from Bholu. When I found him last night on the sale rack, I got my shopping spark back. He is too adorable, and he's been sitting in a local homewares boutique for ages and I always pat him when I'm in there. Ok, that sounds weird, but I do. He will look fabulous on my bedside pouf, and the burnt orange colour goes perfectly with our retro-fugly doona. Toys are not just for kids. And perhaps shopping is not a vice (*desperately tries to justify actions*) but a hobby, an outlet, yes, even therapy. And I'd rather spend $40 on a cute toy then on a self-help book anyday.

Booko: the best resource for buying books online

We had another Fantastic Furniture adventure today, though fortuantely (or not, depending on how you look at it), this time it didn't involve splintered MDF. Today's purpose was to find a bookshelf to hold my copious collection, which is currently sitting in random piles about the place, and stretching the small storage shelf we rescued from MIL's garage to absolute capacity. I love buying books, new and second hand, there's something so exciting and tantalising about the words, knowledge, inspirations and stories between the covers. I reckon you should read anything once, even chick-lit, and take heart from kids who read their fav stories over and over and over and over again. They still get a thrill from the journey that makes up the story, even though they know the ending. It's brilliant.

Browsing in a bookstore is a Saturday afternoon activity that totally owns browsing for Fantastic Furniture, but if you get hit with ideas for new books you must read in the middle of the night, you can usually pick them up online a tad cheaper then in stores, both new and used. There's millions of sites out there (aside from the mega gigantic Amazon; Fishpond, The Nile, Booktopia and even Dymocks are all good online stores, though you sometimes have to wait awhile to receive your goodies) and I have just discovered a site to take all the hard work out of cyber-browsing: Booko.com.au is a search-and-compare site with direct links to the books you want to buy! I have just been testing it and give it two very enthusiastic thumbs up. Price, shipping, and total price inc shipping are all displayed in AU$, which makes it quick and easy to make the best purchasing decision possible!

Now I just need to decide whether to go for a Fantastic $69 cheapo basic shelf, or to shop around and find something mega-cool, or to go the Better Homes and Gardens route and spend hundreds at Bunnings making mdf-painted boxes, or chopping coffee tables in half and gluing them to the wall. Yes, they did that last night. Quite a novel idea, if you'll pardon the pun, but it would take me longer to successfully make it than it does to read a Penguin Classic. Or to re-read it a few times and squeeze every last Times New Roman drop out of it...!