Beware the Lancome Ladies

I'm still shaking from the attack. Such determination, resourcefulness and blatant force I have never encountered. Those Lancome ladies are really out to get you. Or your money.

The local Myer store is pretty shoddy when it comes to beauty counters. Short of helping yourself to products and attempting to walk out the door, none of the tight-skinned ladies will even look at you. Many a time I have been intent on making a purchase but have left empty handed and bought online or waited til the next Melbourne trip because apparently sorting tissues is a more worthwhile exercise then helping customers. But there is one exception, and that is the Lancome counter, perched in all it's overzealous glory right near the escalators which makes it hard to sneak past unnoticed. Especially if you're atttempting a free spritz of perfume without the sales pitch.

I know they work on comission and in all frankness it must be pretty shite, but the other day made me determined to use the fire stairs and completely avoid that portion of the shop. Most beauty counters in bigger city department stores are more than happy to let you play with colours and generally waste their time, which is a lovely way to spend a Saturday morning. But don't even think about heading to this particular counter if you have a specific product in mind (in this case, my mother was after a restock on her foundation). We knew the exact shade, type and price and simply wanted a "shade no 3 please" and let's make like sheep and get the flock outta there. But nooo, oh lordy nooo...

"would you like a brush for that?"
"no thankyou I already have one"
"oh but not one like this, see how..."
"it's ok, I just bought a new one the other day" (lie)
"what about your mascara? I think this one would be..."
"thankyou, but I have one already which works really well" ( truth, I got it free from Sportsgirl and fobbed it off to her but apparently their makeup is stellar. One of my friends loves it)
"well you probbly don't need blush as your cheeks are a little flushed" (also truth, but not the best way to make a sale). Have you tried our bronzer?" (gets out sample and scary looking brush bigger than our mop)
"no thankyou, I don't really know how to apply it. Look, I have to get to work-"
"here let me-"
"please can I just buy this foundation, I really have to go"
*Charlotte transfixed by woman's uber pink lipstick*
Reluctantly, the single sale is processed. We turn to leave.
"let me just give you a quick sample of the bronzer-"
"no, really"
"here" (leans over and starts dusting face)
we back away; "no thankyou!! BYE"

woman comes out from behind counter and continues her attempt at bronzing. We start to walk, she follows, practically shrieking the benefits of this mircale brown powder and waving the brush. She actually succeeded in a few swipes before we managed to escape out the front, and hide behind a pack of bogan children. She stands in front of her counter, sniffing the air to see which way we went, before her heavily made up eyes spot another victim...**

**mild exagerration. mild.

Must've been a slow day.

Beauty is Sexist

You know how magazines always feature gorgeous spreads of luscious creamy/sparkly/glossy lip colours, artfully spilled bottles of nail polish, delciately sprinkled pretty blushes, and it makes you want to overhaul your makeup bag/bathroom cabinet and go spend your wages on all these wonderful products that are really only in there 'cos the eds got them for free? And how you spend more on anti-ageing products of spiffy new cleansers than your man spends on clothing in a year? And THEN you contasntly read about how men age better then women. Men on tv and in movies are older, more "dignifed" with not as much pressure to look youthful. Why? Possibly because they are not persuaded to cover their faces in loads of expensive crap, which essentially causes alot more damage then good and then need to go buy more products to fix it all up (aha! clever clever marketers)?

Makeup and skincare is fun. It's one of those girly things that makes you feel good. There's no harm in that. And men are of course being catered to by beauty companies and slowly convinced to cleanse, moisturise and treat. I only recently found out that my partner has been indulging in my beloved Body Shop Seaweed Scrub every few days. And he's the type that convinces me I don't need another new lippy becuase "you look beautiful without it" which is an annoyingly foolproof argument. My dad used to use mum's ye olde Olay face cream on his hands when he ran out of the supermarket cheapie moisturiser she bought for him (he works with his hands so they got all crakced and yuk otherwise). Men do like a bit of self-pampering, even if they won't admit it, but women have been forced to like it. One can't look old, despite the "embrace your age" articles recently permeating the glossy magazine spehere. Embrace your age, but don't look it. One of my high school/Uni holidays/between travelling jobs was at Priceline, in the old days when you could actually get service (oh, nasty!) and I'll never forget a lady who came in looking for some Vitamin E cream for her face. She said she was in her mid-60's but her skin was magnificent, smooth and glowing and with natural smile lines - and all she'd ever used was Vitamin E! Needless to say I got me little pink tub of the stuff asap.

ShoptilyouDrop have an article this month about the softly, softly approach to beauty - I haven't read all of it yet because Charlotte knocked my cup of tea over it - but it just makes so much more sense than the piling on of harsh chemicals and god knows what else. Prevention not cure! Even the new metro man's skincare lines only have the bare neccessities. Is it some well-kept secret they never told us? Men have the secret to better ageing, or at least the genetics.

I'm going to lay my cards on the table now. Go look in your bathroom cupboard. Assuming items like toothpaste and loo paper (which one male member of this household who shall remain nameless but is referred to as Daddy taught Charlotte to call Poo Tickets) and tissues are neutral territory, my partner has soap, hair gunk, shaving cream and razor, nail clippers and deodorant. I have 4 bottles of Fructis shampoo and conditioner (I appear to be stockpiling them in case of a specific Armageddeon which wipes out department stores, supermarkets, pharmacies and discount beauty stores. One simply can't have greasy hair in a post-apocalyptic world, it's so done), 2 bottles of Dove Shampoo and Conditioner, 1 Johnsons body wash, 1 spare and 1 Dove body wash, 1 Body Shop Strawberry body exfoliant, 2 bubble baths, 2 body butters, 1 shimmery body lotion, 1 self tan body lotion, 1 Venus razor with spare cartridges, wax strips, tweezers, nail file, cuticle stick, hand cream (x2), tea tree oil for blemishes, Garnier deep heat face mask, SK-II cleanser, afore-mentioned Seaweed exfoliant, eye cream, vitamin c serum, Olay moisturiser, vitamin e moisturiser, 3 deodorants...and that's what I can remember off the top of my head and doesn't include my overflowing makeup bag (I didn't actually get up and go look in the cupboard, naughty naughty).

I don't need it all, but I want it all and I like it all. Thus I have convinced myself I need it all, even though deep down (well, not too far down) I know I don't. Taking a lesson from the men and simplifying, gentlifying and minimising would go a long way...That said, I've made myself a list from this month's mags and am off today to happily test, smell, feel and play with some new colours and products that will make me a better and better looking person (pft). If beauty begins on the inside, well a girl's gotta be happy...

(Ed's note: bought a lush Revlon mineral lipgloss today, smells like cakes and slicks on a treat. NOW I'm happy!)

Beauty Review: Scrub Away Those Monday Blues

Disclaimer: I don't get paid to review beauty products on this blog, or get freebies to entice favourable reviews. My hard-earned cash is forked over the old-fashioned way and everything written below is 100% honest!

Hey that title almost rhymes. We could add a bit of acoustic strumming and some tuneful Dylan-esque lyrics (Bob Dylan, not 90210 Dylan. That could be a different story altogether) and knock the Idol-poppers off the charts. But I digress (as usual. Oh, there I go again. Sorry). Sometimes, Mondays suck. It's a whole 5 days, approximately 45 working hours and 4 sleeps til the weekend. But instead of slugging your way wearily through the week, try approaching it freshly scrubbed and squeaky clean - *adopts sci-fi voice* exfoliate-exfoliate-exfoliate those dead skin cells and let your skin make you happy!

I love a good scrub. A Beautician got me onto them years ago, and now I'm a daily buffer. Experts will disagree on how often to scrub, but really, it's up to you (as all things are, if you think about it). My skin falls in the yuk-category of combination/oily. Thus, I find daily exfoliation a really good way to keep it smooth and soft, and spotty bits at bay. There's heaps out there to choose from, and for the past few years I have been rightly obsessed with L'oreal's Pure Zone Exfoliating Gel Cleanser (about $12 from supermarkets, pharmacies and Priceline). It's fantastic if you're 15 to early 20's, but I have recently upgraded to the next stage of skincare (I'm still in my early 20's! I am! I am!) and swapped L'oreal for SK-II cleansing oil (it's the dog's bollocks of cleansers man, not one particle of makeup can cling helplessly to my skin when this baby has it's way with them. Exterminate, indeed!) but still like a daily scrub to get rid of the dead cells and make me feel nice. I found this and give it 5 massive gold stars for awesomeness:

The Body Shop Seaweed Pore-Cleansing Facial Exfoliator $19.95. It's got wild-harvested seaweed from Ireland and jojoba microbeads, and it works! Cleanse your skin first and massage a teeny tiny amount of scrub all over your face and neck. Seaweed is magnificent on the skin and this formula feels nice and grainy like an exfoliant should but lathers up nicely to give you a good gentle clean. Use it in the shower for a thorough rinse-off, and voila! Soft and smooth skin that tingles nicely in a non-erotic way!

I should add another disclaimer to this post: I did work at the Body Shop a few years ago, so am favourably inclined towards their products - especially their skincare (love vitamin e! and the vitamin C serum is divine for those of you 20+...) - but it's honestly the natural, community traded ingredients that I'd rather put on my skin instead of truckloads of chemicals that keeps me going back.

Tip: If you use a body exfoliating scrub (this is not for facial scrubs), use it on dry skin before you step into the shower, lather it up a bit and rinse off for completely and utterly divine softness!