Old School Discipline (or, How To Raise Well-Mannered Children)

Bet you thought this post would involve whips and such, didn't you? Sorry to disappoint, but I'm actually referring to a chapter in the book I just finished perusing, by the Allisons Vale & Rattle, How To Boil A Flamingo And 49 Other Lessons in the Lost Art of Being A Lady.

(In case you're wondering, should a flamingo be not available, a few tropical parrots will suffice to seriously impress your next dinner party guests). Short chapters, adapted from household and etiquette guides from the 17th & 18th centuries, brim with tongue-in-cheek instruction and practical advice on everything from How to Picnic, Sit for a Portrait, Choose A Wet-Nurse (never a redhead), How To Employ Your Fan, and How To Manage Your Servants with Mistrust and Misgiving. In short, it is a neccessary compendium and companion for any lady who wishes to make her way successfully amongst society.

Though highly amusing, some of the advice was not as outdated and ridiculously extravagant as perhaps it might first appear. The chapter on "How To Raise Well-Mannered Children" could do with liberal distribution in the 21st century. (As could the possible addition of a chapter, "How to spellcheck your Facebook status updates, especially if you are a teacher and cannot grasp even the most basic spelling and grammar." You aggravate my sensibilities in the most extreme manner, people!) Would it be so bad if rules such as the following were "instilled in children from a young age"?

-Take what you are served [at mealtimes] whether it be to your taste or not. Eccentricity in regard to nourishment should be avoided at all times. How many teatime tantys would be avoided if this rule was strictly enforced!

-Do not present yourself at the table unless your hands and face are clean and hair neatly combed. Well, the hair thing isn't gonna happen, but the basic "clean your hands" before eating rule is a good habit to get into.

-When invited into the company of your betters, do not sit or speak until bidden. Perhaps they could sit without incurring the wrath of society, but learning not to interrupt other conversations and only to speak in turn is an important basic etiquette that alot of adults could do well to remember, as well.

-Use your napkin habitually. Not your sleeve, which becomes a vertiable petri dish of snot, vegemite and dirt on any avergage day.

The chapter advises that, "a mismanaged child is but a regrettable stain upon the fabric of polite company and may be expected to achieve naught in life but the breaking of his poor mother's heart." Uncombed hair at the dinner table might not be a precursor to a life of insubordinate idleness, but would a few old-fashioned manners go astray in the modern world? I think not, and I would also like to suggest compulsory spelling examinations right up to and including tertiary education (longer if you will be spending your working hours in the schooling system). Hmph.

Food For Thought

One of my favourite daily reads, Girl With A Satchel, today posted a telling article by Dr Karen Brooks, which considers if the current wave of "retro chic" is regressive to the feminist movement previous generations fought so hard for.

Did Germaine Greer & co set modern women up for a fall? No, according to the article. Someting just got lost in translation. Germaine reckons she never told women to get a career, merely a life.

But we can't agree on what kind of life that should be. Career mums have to defend their choice (or lack thereof) and continually reassure that they are just as caring as stay-at-home mums. Stay-at-home mums have to justify to society why that's "all" they do, as well as avoiding admitting to inevitable feelings of insignificance and isolation. According to the article, the smaller percentage of women who appear to revel in being a domestic goddess find it hard to keep the fact to themselves, much to the chagrin of others. Despite fulfilling the nostalgic ideal society is pining for, is this because they still feel the need to reassure themselves and others that their choice is "correct"?

Can we ever get it right? No. Are we too hard on ourselves? Yes. Dr Brook's article espouses the common sense approach of respecting and supporting each other's choices and situations, regardless of the subersive putdowns a "femeny" might direct at you. Bitch.

My Lunchbox Is Better Than Your Lunchbox

So today I enrolled Charlotte in her first proper playgroup, where she'll stay for 3 hours once a week and glue bits of pasta to cardboard while I lock myself in my office and actually get stuff done. We stopped off at the centre to have a nosey around, had a chat to the teachers and came away insanely preoccupied with what to pack for her lunch.

While I think nutrition is a hugely important part of raising kids, I was a bit astounded that the teacher actually gave me a verbal list of things the kids should have - "a sandwich, yoghurt or fruit, maybe a little treat but not every week and they all have to eat their sandwiches and yoghurt first." Fair enough, but uh...I am quite aware of how to feed my child, thanks! I know many kids eat (and are packed) way too many pre-packaged, sweet, and nutritionally-deficient 'foods',and I do applaud schools for encouraging healthy eating. I had just never assumed it was such a big deal - but then I thought of recent articles and other blog posts I've read, and realised that it's a bloody big deal at this time of year.

Tania McCartney posted on AustralianWomenOnline about the cyber-nastiness surrounding her suggestion that offering kids healthy, fresh and varied diets wasn't so hard. Feeding is yet another raw nerve that jars very easily amongst parents - whether you're talking breast or bottle; nutella or vegemite; carrot sticks or My Little Pony biscuits. McCartney was called "smug" because she offered her kids blue cheese and they happily ate it.

No freakin' wonder the majority of the population is overweight and unhealthy. We have some of the freshest and best produce on the planet, yet we pick at each other's decisions and operate in such a highly-strung environment that we just relent and let our kids eat Roll-Ups.

Reading the comments on Mia Freedman's School Lunch post freaked me out even more. I may have been given a rundown on What Not To Eat, but I wasn't told to avoid all nut-based products or those which may contain traces of nuts or other possible-allergy inducing foods. One reader comments that she got a talking to for packing wholegrain bread! It must be extraordinarily shithouse to have a severe food allergy, or even a minor one, and nobody want to accidentally trigger some horrible reaction. But really how far should we be controlled?

I've got no problems packing a sandwich, some fruit and a yoghurt. It's exactly what I had for lunch all through school (with the addition of a choccie bikky or something similar for sanity's sake). It just makes me wonder as to why parents need to be told that this is what constitutes a healthy lunch for kids. It's not because of a lack of information - the internet, magazines, newspapers and telly are all brimming with loads of lunchbox ideas which don't neccessitate a trip to the snacks aisle. Some are slightly unrealistic (exotic sounding dips and pita/wrap fillings which require marinating?) but you can't argue the ideas aren't there. Is it because we're so scared of being judged on our parenting skills by what we pack into lunchboxes that we've driven ourselves into a corner waiting for somebody to tell us what to do? If we can't even firmly decide for ourselves what our kids have for lunch, what sort of example are we setting to them? "Never think for yourself dear, it's dangerous. Just consult the list." Sounds scarily Orwellian. But if this was the year 1984 as we knew it, there'd be somewhat less of judgement and control, and rather alot more freedom.

Helicopter Parenting: Approach with Caution

I read a great article from Time Magazine last night - "The Growing Backlash Against Overparenting" by Nancy Gibbs. Basically, the gist is that we're slowly realising that letting our kids be kids doesn't actually equate to bad parenting. In fact, thanks to the wonders of the internet, there are now many blogs and sites out there where parents can confess to their less-than-perfect moments and get a little reassurance that merely being human is a-ok. That if their kid would rather glue paper to their face instead of going to the Art Museum, that's ok. That if you don't purchase every piece of shiny battery-operated plastic claiming to 'educate' your kid, that's ok. That if you don't take them along to an extra-curricular activity every afternoon, that's ok, too.



And that's such a relief. I know as well as any parent the urgency with which one feels to make sure their precious bundle has every opportunity to succeed. To make sure they never go without, are never bored, not missing out on activities or toys or events that other kids experience. Unfortunately this means kids are getting less and less of a chance to just be themselves, to gain some independence and confidence and self-awareness. I think back to afternoons when I was little, hooning around the streets on my bike or flitting between friend's houses and going to the local shop for a 20c bag of mixed lollies. No mobile phone so Mum could keep in touch, not much more than a "be back before dinner". The thought of letting my daughter do that is a bit scary, but when I consider it, I was outside being active; taking the initiative and making up games with friends; learning how to safely get myself places; and taking the responsibility upon myself to be back home by teatime. Many of my friends walked by themselevs or used public transport to and from school without a second thought. Nowdays the traffic gets ridiculously congested around school areas because every 4wDrivin' parent 'needs' to drop their kid off at the school door. Heck even in Kindy we got the school bus by ourselves, with Year 6 kids appointed 'Bus Monitors' to look after us - responsibility all round!



Helicopter parenting, as it's termed (ie parents 'hovering' over their kids) isn't just for tots though. Nope, Time reports of parents attending College Enrolment Days to 'help' their kids 'choose' their subjects and get settled in. So how are these kids going to fare when the big wide world opens up to them? Will they be able to make risky business decisions, take the plunge and invent, chair coroporate boards - or will they expect or need somebody else to do it for them? And how will they in turn parent? Probably, hopefully, in the complete oppposite.



Nobody is a perfect parent. All we can do is our best in whatever way suits us. I think we can all take a leaf from our kid's books, so to speak, and try to remember what it's like being a kid -and then take a step back and let our kids be just that.

Seedling - a NZ-made Bag of Awesomeness

Those folk across the ditch do alot of things better than us. Phar Lap, for one. Strange fruit and even weirder birdlife for another. But on recent trip to the land of the long white cloud, I discovered Seedling (which is available in Aus I believe, I just hadn't seen it anywhere before). I was enamoured with their brown paper bags stuffed with educational, hands-on and downright fun goodies designed to inspire kids to engage in and experience "simple, home-grown skills" to encourage thinking, imagination and allowing parents to join in. From tots to teens and even a few activities for Mum, they are a brilliant gift (we bought the Doctor kit for my daughter's birthday, which includes a real stethescope, surgery masks, tongue sticks and a stretchy pen and notebook, and it was an instant hit!) and, thankfully, don't require batteries/aren't made of plastic/have a novelty value of 5 mins.

(by the way, this is not a paid endorsement. I went, I bought, I liked!)

Anything to encourage environmental awareness and nutirtional understanding gets my vote, so I almost also picked up a Junior Gardener set (with tools, kids gloves, and presented in a terracotta pot); but you could also go for a Worm Farm, Outdoor Adventure Kit, or Grow Your Own Vege Patch.

Budding artistes? make a Collage, create your own Russian Dolls, make a mosaic butterfly or rocket, paint a Character Mask; or go crafty with Card Making sets, a Seashell Mirror or Stick Puppets. Fashionistas can sew their own Tote, create Bejewelled Keyrings, design a Streetwear Tee, or simply go all out with the Fashion Designer Kit. Encourage mini masterchefs (without a hankering for reality tv) with Cupcake Kits, or a Sushi Shefu set, while little scientists can make a Kaleidoscope or Erupting Volcano!

Nesting? (Or, feeling huge and over it while waiting for Bub to be born?) Create your own Mobile or Baby Blanket, or even a Designer Tee (without the need to start your own label). The Baby kits, or products of, also make wonderful, thoughtful and personal gifts.

I'm not sure if it's a sad sign of the times that something so simple seems so innovative - Charlotte's Doctor Kit gets so much more use then any battery operated toy in her arsenal (and we're talkin' 'bout a big arsenal). The last issue of Wondertime has a great article of a mum, who conveniently is a child psychologist, who gives her kids 'art kits' - blank journals, pencils, glue, stickers, paddle pop sticks and such, each in their own portable box (sewing boxes or fishing boxes with compartments) which encourages them to draw, write, create and express themselves in their own time and in their own way. I loved this idea and once I can find an appropriate box I'll be giving my daughter one too (man, I hate Spotlight. I can't muster up the energy to wade through it in search of a plastic box, lest I am engulfed in a sea of scrapbooking accessories and terrible fabrics).

If getting back to basics is a result of trying economic times, then I'm all for it...!

Friday Happy Things

2 things this morning that make me smile:

1). My new weekly blog for Kidstylefile: http://www.kidstylefile.com.au/category/news-and-reviews/ this week shoes, next week, swimwear, the week after, more freebies....I jest, I jest. Seriously, if you're a parent and love shopping, keeping an eye on Kidstylefile is well worth it: daily deals, news and reviews on new products, and a very comprehensive store and label directory. Bargains + cute new stuff = well worth it!

2). I feel guilty when, like the other night when we went out and got burgers, I can't be bothered (or am too stinking hot) to cook anything decent, despite an array of "quick and healthy"-style cookbooks. I actually do like cooking, and thankfully Charlotte is a good eater and not particularly fussy especially by 2 year old standards, but mustering up something healthy and tasty 7 nights a week, after a full days working/parenting/cleaning/shopping (ahem) is sometimes too much. So when I read this and this it made me feel a bit better that an awful lot of other people serve up frozen/canned/slapdash concotions. Quite frankly, last nights quick stroganoff with fettucine and corn cobs (I know that sounds weird, but Charlotte loves corn with a passion and at least its a nice vegie serving for her) is in comparison, quite gourmet. Better buy another cookbook to keep up the good work...

Baby or Balenciaga?

September is a really busy month for all the gorgeous S/S 08/09 deliveries, so forgive me for not having a spare minute to scratch myself, let alone write the blog. It will be back up and running as usual in about a week! Added to that, for once nothing has really got my goat enough to warrant a daily rant. Except for a little excerpt from Grazia magazine I noticed the other day over at GWAS.....

To Baby or Not To Baby is a genuine issue among women today. And men, probably, but who cares. None of the articles I've read in the last few months have asked a male opinion. In the one camp are the women who love the idea of motherhood, and the goal of having a family is one they hope to achieve. On the other side of the trench are the career-oriented people who can't see why you would give up your career, lifestyle, time and body for motherhood. In the middle is the fading argument "we all have a choice"; even though it's true. Every female does have the choice to choose career or family or whatever they like. There isn't a right or wrong answer, really. Just alot of strong opinions. Obviously I fall into the pro-baby group, to be perfectly honest I didn't intend to be a mother so young, but the best things in life are often unplanned. Like most, I thought travel, career etc etc until perhaps my late 20's when hopefully I would be in a stable relationship, financially secure and all that. That would've been fine, but the experiences and opportunities of having Charlotte in my early 20's have been worth it; I wouldn't change it for the world, and I've definitely not misse dout on anything except a lot of hangovers.

It's not for everyone, and I don't think anybody should have a baby just because they "have to", in the same way they "have to" have the latest shoes or bag. If you're not ready, then don't. It changes literally everything, and from many of the opinions I've read there are many women out there who have worked really hard to achieve their lifestyles and they don't want to give it up. Without sounding rude, I think that is an awfully selfish and materialistic way to put things (an honest Vogue columnist recently said she'd prefer Balenciaga to baby bags, props for being so bold as to admit to it but it still seems a bit crude). They complain because their friends with kids don't have as much time for them as before, or aren't as interested in them. That should be a pretty obvious given, really; if you're a high achieveing 30-something presumably you don't need looking after as much as a newborn. The best response to the issue has been good old Frankie magazine, which sensibly went along the lines of "I'm not read for a baby, but my friend gave birth to the most gorgeous little bundle of joy you could imagine, and even though our coffee dates are structured around naptime, we both give a little to make it work." Jetting off to Rio on a whim sounds glamourous, but sometimes good old fashioned family time, fattening as it may be, is much better for the soul. And probably the environment, even though the comments in Grazia that really pissed me off was; "the carbon footprint created by a single child is enormous,"; "having children is selfish, it's all about maintaining your genetic line at the expense of the planet,"* say two childless-by-choice women. I'm sorry but that is mildly ridiculous. If nobody had kids in order to save Mother Earth the human race would have about 100 years left to exist, no? And I think the carbon footprint created by a stilettoed old bag would be bigger than a toddler's....again, I have to add, it is about choice. If one of my friends told me they never wanted to have kids, I wouldn't agree but it is their choice and I would respect it. I don't agree with people who would rather have designer bags then a child, by choice not by circumstance (I always feel so sorry for women and men depserate to start a family but can't when I read about this issue, how much must it hurt them to hear about people that can, but won't?), but it is up to them and it's not really my business how they choose the lead their lives. I hope they would have a better reason then a grand plan of rescuing the planet, but we should be thankful that we live in a society where we can choose such things.

*Gets off high horse*!

*courtesy of GWAS

Babycino, Per Favore!

Any toddler able to digest full cream milk and the occassional marshmallow is now a regular participant in the thriving cafe culture infesting a trendy suburb near you. It's almost a given that when Mum orders her tall double shot latte the next words to proudly cross her lips are "and a babycino for the little one" (and it's not just me, I saw it happen twice today in a cafe, um, when Charlotte and I were having our afternoon pick-me-ups). This is despite the fact that only half the froth gets eaten before they discover they can suck on sugar sticks, blow the remainder of the froth over the table like bubbles, and use the milk at the bottom as a deep-conditioning treatment on their hair. My daughter has perfected the art of piping up whenever she hears me order coffee "mommo (being her word for it) too Mummy! Thankyou lady!" (even when it's a man, no matter) and when she finishes drinking/playing with it she yells "Lady, take it away!". Which is slightly rude but it's funny, and as she's 2 and has the cutest little voice she gets away with it. But babycino's differ from cafe to cafe, and considring it's a near-daily event for us, here's a rundown on the good, the bad, and the frothy (local readers take note):

A good babycino is one that Goldilocks would choose: not too hot, not too cold, just right. It has lots of froth with a teeny bit of chocoloate or sprinkles, and the bottom is a nice healthy dose of calcium-rich milk. Preferably comes with an optional marshmallow and shot of chocolate (Mums perfer to know this in advance to yay or nay, lest they be left with a hyperactive tot for the rest of the afternoon). They come in an easy-to-handle cup and a teaspoon, accessorised with plenty of napkins (forget this part at your own peril, Starbucks).

Coffee chains like Gloria Jeans and Hudsons always have babycinos for free when you order a coffee, and you can usually add your choice of sprinkle. BUT they are too cheap to give you a marshamllow. For that, you need a trendy cafe currently decked out in neutrals and browns (a decade ago it was Meditteranean, and before that non-existent). Try and go when the business people are there at lunch, talking loudly on their phones and generally expecting everyone to kiss their laptops. This is a great time to let your toddler sing and talk loudly and generally run amuck, as their cute babble is far more appealing than listening to the balding man with too much aftershave talk to the whole cafe about "the overseas deal". A nice big marshamllow or two will keep everyone entertained for hours. Add a chocolate shot for extra impact. But be warned, these cafes usually charge $2 or so and may try to hurry you along. Order another round and invite all your friends with big three wheel mountain prams along if this happens.

Locally, Charlotte gives the award for best (free) babycino in a pleasant atmosphere to Fresh, a vegeterian cafe with awesome coffee, daggy-cool furniture and friendly staff. In Tassie a cafe like this is a rare find, so make the most of it! Melbourne drips with these so you guys are lucky. Cafe Cortile in the Block Arcade gets top marks for the whole country.

And lastly, here is the best tee ever for babycino-lovers (yes, yes, FrockYou sells them. A lot of them):

tee, $34.95, by Smirk

Cate is Great...and so are you

Giving birth makes your body bleed, leak, weep, stretch and contort in ways you never imagined possible. Who, I ask you, WHO in their right mind would rock up to a glamour-infested film festival in the south of France roughly one month after, cool as a cucumber and calm as an, erm, really chilled out cucumber? CATE. COS SHE IS AWESOME.

She does set rather high standards though. I sure as hell couldn't be bothered discussing the future of the country with K-Rudd a few days after popping one out. Should we mere mortals aspire to be like Cate though? Those who could get away with that Armani gown are few and far between, but should we be churning out kids, back in shape, at work and glowing as ever within days? Or should we be cocooning ourselves indoors, in our comfiest clothes, gratefully accepting the help of family and friends, just taking time out, because when it comes down to it, we simply can't do it all? Are we even allowed to think that? And even if we could do everything, would you want to? Something as precious as the first time your newborn smiles is worth so much more than showing off your toned post-baby body, surely. Not saying that Cate is a negligent Mum. I reckon she is one of those rare Superwomen, who we should all admire, but not aspire to. Quite frankly, she rocks. But my daughter thinks I rock too, even though my hair looks funny sometimes and the house is messy and my shoes don't always match my bag. In her eyes, I am a very cool cucumber, and that means more to me than what today's societal standards and glossy mags dictate!

A Scotsman who Swears? Feck off

I like Gordon Ramsay. I like the way he tells it like it is, gives struggling/ignorant/arrogant restauranters a kick up the arse, and I honestly can't see what the fuss is over *shock* a Glaswegian who uses four-letter words alot. At least he doesn't shoot up and stab people, which is just as acceptable as swearing in Scotland's largest city (can I back that up with facts? No, but we used to live in Edinburgh so therefore I know it to be true. The Bugghers all swear it is). Yeah, it's not appropriate for kids to watch, but isn't that why the show comes with an M rating and language warning? WHY CAN'T YOU SWITCH THE TV OFF IF YOU FIND IT OFFENSIVE? Or even to another channel, you must have at least 4 others to choose from. The other shows might be useless, mindless dribble but at least the word "shit" doesn't come into it.

There is a Senate Enquiry into swearing on telly. Sure, decent standards need to be upheld (aren't these regulations already in place?) but at what point does one's own responsibility come into it? Why must society always blame somebody else (preferably a Pom)? What happened to free speech? I mean, I could sit here and write so many swear words that Billy Connoly would blush, but if I prefaced this post with a language warning you could hardly be shocked by it, and you, as a reasonably thinking member of society, therefore have the choice to keep reading (which you would anyway because we all love a bit of scandal or a touch of taboo) or simply click away to another site. Ever watched an episode of Today Tonight or A Current Affair? (Be honest, I can't see you nodding) almost every night without fail there is a story about somone blaming somebody else for something that's happened to them. We want to completely absolve ourselves of responsibilty. Why? Is it because we are being conditioned to expect perfection at every turn? That we will be shunned as bad parents/spouses/friends/employees if we make a mistake? "Oh, but it wasn't my fault, if the government had done this-and-that it wouldn't of happened". "Oh, my kid only swears becuase he saw Gordon Ramsay do it." Bullshit. Let he who is without sin cast the first stone, I say. Chuck it hard enough to knock some common sense into those intent on playing the blame game. Feckin' eejits.

Losing my blog-ginity

It's shameful the way I can sit here decked out to the nines in pjs and uggs, twisting and turning the English language into something so obscene as the above title. But we can do that these days. Anyone can be part of the bloggerati, anybody can publish their thoughts however random, trivial, interesting or just plain stupid they might be. So here I am, shamelessly jumping onbaord the bandwagon in the hope that one day I can get paid to sit in Starbucks with my laptop and mega grande decaf soy chai lattecino and effortlessly tap away at my witty musings, imagining a voiceover narrating it Carrie-style. Well, ok, there are a few things wrong with this; namely that where I live we don't have Starbucks (and it's not Italy), I don't own a laptop, I dislike floral brooches, and I prefer fullcream cappuccinos with lots of sugar not quite mixed-in, so that I can eat the bubbles off and have tasty crunchy sweet bits amongst the froth.

Yes, this blog is part of our website, eboutique FrockYou , and sometimes (once a week, tops) I will be publishing honest accounts of new stock, sales and indulging in glorious self-promotion. I also swear sometimes, so if horriffic and useless words like "shit" and "bollocks" piss you off, well then, shut your eyes. BUT if you'd like to read about books, magazines ,fillums, nostalgic trips down memory lane, celebs, other websites, tv, new products, parenting, babies and much more, then please leave your eyes open. And peeled for anything you'd like to see me write about (email kat@frockyou.com.au with suggestions.) Nice people will get nice things written about them, bad people will have lots of four-letter words tagged to them, and possibly dog poo in their letterbox. The bit to the right ------------------------> has updates on the latest books and magazines and music that I or one of the other lovely Frockers are currently digging, and we also have a bunch of links you might like.

Well, that didn't hurt as much as I thought it would. I wanted to write more, but am feeling a bit deflated right now. Perhaps we'll get more out of it next time.....

Until then,
Kat xxx